The great Mogambo Guru speaks

Good Day... And a Happy Friday to one and all! I know I don't usually write to you on Fridays, but... I told you earlier this week that my good friend, the Great Mogambo Guru was writing something that he would share with me... And voila! He did just that yesterday, so I wanted to get this out to you, dear reader, and hope you enjoy it as much as I did when I read it...

So, with no further ado... Here's the Great Mogambo Guru...

There are thousands upon thousands of professors at thousands and thousands of colleges and universities all across this favored land, none of whom have invited me to speak or even drop by for a lousy cup of coffee. And since we’re on the subject, these are the same guys who have all been very rude to me when I call to inquire about this troublesome oversight, with them spluttering into the phone “Who? I don’t know you! And stop calling me on the dammed telephone, you idiot!” Then they hang up on me! It could be that they are nervous and psychotic, leading their lives of quiet desperation, since all of them are subject to a ruthless, dog-eat-dog “publish or perish” environment. This is the career imperative to produce a constant flow of scholarly research papers and get it all published somewhere.

The trouble is that, after a while, all the good subjects have been done. What to do when everything you can think of has already been done to death? And when every one of them better than anything you can come up with, too?

Ergo, the unmistakable whiff of mounting desperation. A last-ditch grasping at straws. Thus we witness the advent of what, heretofore, were considered laughable theoretical droolings, indicative of some kind of mental defect. Things like 2+2=5. That there are 42 genders. That arugula is a good substitute for iceberg lettuce in a salad. Modern Monetary Theory.

I admit, I am as perplexed and dismayed as you are about all of this, especially about that arugula thing. Yuck. So I know you will be absolutely delighted to know that I am diligently working on a Top Secret Mogambo Project (TSMP) that will actually benefit all mankind, completely eliminating suffering and poverty, every year, until the sun goes supernova and burns the Earth to a crisp a few billion years from now.

Your interest being properly piqued, I anticipate your anxious, breathless question “Who are you and how did you get in here?” The stage thus being properly set, I proudly reveal that I am developing an easy, painless way to fix a grossly overleveraged fiat-currency economy that is predictably drowning in unpayable debt and ready to collapse into a giant fetid heap of stinking bankruptcy. Losses as far as the eye can see. Chaos and societal upheaval. Mises’ predicted complete collapse.

You know. Like today. And all over the world.

So, observe carefully as I crank up my 1,000-horsepower Magnificent Mogambo Brain (MMB) to brilliantly create something awesome. Some “turn that frown upside down” magic to happily provide an endless succession of economic booms. What a guy, huh?

“Wonderful!” you say. And it truly is!

So, after that big build-up, it really pains me to report that, so far, I got nothing. Zero. Not a clue. Even after scouring the last 2,500 years of economic history, I’m striking out completely. I haven’t the faintest idea what to do that doesn’t involve a lot of economic and financial pain, pain, pain, PAIN, PAIN, PAIN!!!! Repetitious galore and with four exclamation points!

I take some comfort in that I failed just like the millions and millions of other people in other times, in other countries, and on other planets throughout the very living galaxy that also tried to come up with a way to save their own little dirtbag economies from suffering the bitter just desserts they so richly deserve after so shamelessly wallowing in their particular ruinous economic follies, like, for example, Keynesian economics.

You can tell from the ominous soundtrack and the sour expression on my face that something bad is going to happen, as if “pain, pain, pain, PAIN, PAIN, PAIN!!!!” from a previous paragraph is not clue enough.

Okay, I know that you are busy, and I will skip the next part of my presentation which explains why gold and silver are the only options. Admit it: You don’t want to know why. You are interested in what, how much and when.

Thus, I present you with a distillation of the accumulated wisdom: Eventually it will come down to mindlessly buying gold and silver, just like it always has in history.

There was a knock on the door. I hear my daughter trudging thump, thump, thump across the floor to answer it. Muffled conversation. Then “Dad! Mrs. Weaver wants to ask you a question!”

Muttering “Release the hounds!” under my breath, I thump thump thump as I trudge reluctantly to the door. I say “Hello, Mrs. Weaver. You wanted to ask me a question?”

She says “Yes. Do you know anything about cryptocurrencies, like Bitcoin?” I reply “I am delighted to tell you that yes, I do know something about cryptocurrencies. Goodbye!”

As I am closing the door, she puts out her hand to keep the door from closing. I make a mental note that I now have a strange set of fingerprints on my door that could be, you know, turned to advantage.

So I fling open the door and say “You want to know if your towering greed in mindless speculating with cryptocurrencies is stronger than your sniveling, soul-shrinkjing fear of loss. Madam,” I said, drawing myself up to full height so as to appear more imposing, “how in the hell could I possibly know a thing like that?” Shocked, she reached into her purse either to get a tissue to wipe her eyes, or pull out a weapon to hurt me. Instinctively I reached for the Colt 1911 long-slide .45 auto in my shoulder holster, but it was a false alarm.

So I says to her ’Look, Mrs. Weaver, if that is your name, I’ve already repeatedly told you that gold and silver are the two assets you want to own. You don’t listen. So look deep, deep into my dreamy. Swirling blue eyes. Look deep, deep to see my Total Freaking Sincerity (TFS) when I say, one more damned time, that if I thought for just one lousy second that my precious worldly assets would be better served with cryptos, then I would tell you. I’d tell you! Hell, I’d tell everybody!

“So go home and wait for me to call you in case there is any news. Or go out and buy gold and silver.” She left. Shoulders slumped. There is no news. She’ll just have to sit and wait.

Mogambo Guru...

That's it for today... September jobs just came out and while the so-called experts said that the number would be north of 500,000, the BLS reported just 194,000 jobs created in Sept... Talk about a bad forecast! But then I told you that with the Weekly Initial Jobless Claims inching higher each week, that I didn't expect a whopping jobs report, and well... we didn't get one! Gold is up $25 on the news, so that will take us to the weekend with a smile on our faces! REO Speedwagon takes us to the finish line today with their song: Golden Country... YouTube it, and listen to the words, it sounds like it could have been written today! I hope you have a Fantastico Friday, and please Be Good To Yourself!